When reviewing my original writing for Project 2, I realized that I had minor issues such as passive voice, confusing phrases, or repetition of the same ideas. In addition to these issues, I also realized that I could have expanded more on the profit perspective in my Dove artifact, which was suggested by my instructor. Additionally, I could’ve added more of my insight into the paragraph as well.

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            As far as changes so, in my introduction section, I decided to add more detail into what my artifacts were to highlight more so of the contrast between them and what the audience should expect. I fixed certain passive voice phrases to make my argument stronger as well as made phrases more concise. For instance, I changed a word from “utilize” to “use” to make the sentence clearer to read. I also noticed that combining small sentences together made the reading flow better, so I did this a few times especially in my introduction section.

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            In my second and third section which were focused on the analysis of the artifacts, I added an extra paragraph and added more of my opinion into it. In section 2, which was my Dove artifact, I added a paragraph on how Dove wants to sell their product along with making it attractive. This new paragraph focuses more on the fact that Dove is a company and wants to make profit. I feel that doing this makes my analysis more realistic. In section 3, I noticed the beginning of a paragraph was very confusing and didn’t have a transition between one idea to the next, so I rearranged it so that it flowed from people believing in the trustworthy source to the people that make up this trustworthy source. Within this I also added small input from me and how I find local news stations reliable as well. Doing this further justifies my reasoning and makes this part of the paragraph more organized.

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            For my comparison section, I kept it mostly the same expect for minor grammar issues, but in my conclusion, I added more to my personal experience with social media. I added how I have girls that look up to me, and how I don’t want them to feel the same way I did when I was growing up with social media. This strengthens the importance of my entire paper, especially with me having it at the end of my writing.